What comes first?

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I find that when I have taken some steps on my personal path, something feels different ~ and pretty soon I get the urge to change something in my house too! This can be just a thorough cleaning and reorganizing of things. It can also instigate painting the walls in a different color; new furniture ~ even when I would get the furniture secondhand; it’s new to me and my home...
I then keep tweaking it until the way I am feeling inside myself, and the way I feel inside my home match once again.

Sometimes I have a real need for, for instance, a new cabinet. One that is more practical, fills my needs better, looks better ~ whatever the final reason is, I know with a certainty that getting this new cabinet is a good thing!
And then, when the old cabinet is out and the new cabinet has taken its place ~ ready for me to organize the things I want to put into it; I suddenly realize that as I am changing out the new cabinet for the old I am making changes in my home that are making me feel different...

Somehow an opening is created for me to take another step on my personal path...

From an energy point of view craving that inner/outer balance is an age old thing. It is why Spring cleaning happens indeed in the Spring season when out in nature everything is new, fresh and brightly colored. Experiencing this outside, in nature, may then prompt us to create inside our home a similar energy of fresh newness in which we can live our lives this cycle of the seasons.

It makes me wonder what comes first?
Is it my desire to change within myself that brought the new cabinet into my life? Or had I made inner changes already ~ without fully being aware of it ~ and is the new cabinet an expression of these inner changes in my home?

And before I know it I am asking myself, what if...?
What if I know there are things I should change ~ in myself, in my life or in my home ~ could I bring about these changes by starting to, for instance, clean the kitchen cupboards? Or the garage? Will the simple act of cleaning and organizing something ~ anything ~ in my home, create the opening for my inner changes to happen?

I figure that as long as we are aware of the effects of what we are doing ~ it doesn’t really matter what comes first after all...
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Our early years

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It seems to become more and more clear that our early years are of tremendous importance and can have an enormous effect on our lives.
Of course this is not a new perspective in and of itself ~ even thirty or forty years ago it was already obvious how great the influence of our upbringing can be. Up to the point where it was believed that it was ‘all the parents fault’.

More modern research is saying that there is more to it than saying “This happened to me when I was young and therefore ...”. It has found that we model the behavior of our parents ~ and most importantly, it has discovered why we follow those parental patterns.

Bruce H. Lipton, PhD, is internationally recognized for this new way of looking at when and how these patterns are learned. www.brucelipton.com

He has found that in our early years, up to the time we are about six years old ~ we function pretty much entirely through our subconscious. And in doing so, we absorb anything and everything that is happening around us. The way the relationship of our parents is playing out; the way they treat each other; how the adults around us handle stressful situations; how they go about solving problems ~ the list goes on and on and on.
And as the little pre-six-year-old person, we take it all in ~ straight into our subconscious. And the subconscious doesn’t question this information. It doesn’t test it whether it is true or false; good or not so good. It just takes it in.

Now, as far as actual situations go, things that happened; the things that we are perhaps even told about at a later age ~ if we want to we can reconstruct what happened that time and deal with it as we grow up.

Yet we have also absorbed attitudes and belief systems in our early years that usually are harder to recognize or become aware of. After all, they are safely lodged in our subconscious...

And our subconscious is the place where our dreams come from. It is the place from which we get our intuitive insights. It is also the place that for the most part instigates and directs our behavior. And so, without being aware of it we may be doing certain things in our lives precisely the way our parents did them. Not because it is the only, or even the best way to do them ~ but mostly because we never gave it a second thought. We never really questioned the information, the imprint that is held in our subconscious minds whether or not we want to do it this way.

The implication is that a lot of our attitudes and beliefs, and even behavior are things we picked up in our early years ~ absorbed them into our subconscious, creating a guideline as to how to live our lives ~ are based not on our own life experience, but are learned from others.
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The things we believe

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There is no real ‘black and white’ perspective when we look at the things we believe in. Granted, there are things that are more universal than others; for instance that it is good to be honest. An other one that most people believe in is that it is a good thing to be assertive; to assert yourself...

Yet there are any number of things where we depend more on a ‘gut-feel’ than on ‘hard facts’ when it comes to believing it or not. ‘If it looks fishy ~ it probably is’.

‘If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck’
And so we believe that what we are looking at is a duck...

When we are looking at things outside of ourselves, there is nothing wrong with going with our ‘gut-feel’. After all, that is how most of us get this little intuitive alert that something is not quite what it seems ~ and certainly in the energy of today paying attention to that little intuitive voice ~ or your ‘gut-feel’ as the case may be ~ is a good thing!

But when we look at the things we believe about ourselves, things are not as clearly defined...

From a spiritual, or universal perspective ~ each and every one of us is a unique, talented, worthy individual; walking a path of personal growth. And as we do so, we are adding our uniqueness ~ our gifts and talents ~ to the evolution of the universe.

And yet when I look around me it seems that it is not just me who has such a hard time realizing that I am indeed a worthy, talented individual exploring my potential as I am walking my personal path of (inner) growth.
On some level I have a problem believing that this is so.

It makes me wonder why it is so hard to believe in ourselves. To truly believe that we are enough the way we are. That, while there is room for growth, we are perfect...

The problem with not quite believing in ourselves is that if we don’t believe in ourselves ~ how can we get others to believe in us?
Perhaps we are more apt to believe what others tell us to believe, rather than believing the beautiful, unique, talented being that we are.

And pretty soon one may find themselves believing that this particular job is good for them because that is what they have been told ~ not because it is something they are passionate about. One may be living in ‘the perfect house’, and never quite feel at home...

Every once in a while it is good to examine what it is that we truly believe in ~ and to start following that path...
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An Energy Leak

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Every once in a while I feel absolutely drained ~ usually after partaking in some kind of activity. And somehow it is only after the fact that I notice I have allowed my energy to seep away...
It is not much of a problem when I have had a really good time; or when I have accomplished something ~ or experienced something new. However, I feel this sense of being drained of all energy more often when the activity I was involved in was not quite as fulfilling as I had hoped...

Still, I do realize that it is my own responsibility to keep a hold of my energy. To not let it fritter away. To not allow it to scatter in all directions, leaving me wondering how I could have done it again.
The theory is quite clear; it is my energy to spend in whatever way I see fit ~ yet if I overspend, or fail to spend my energy wisely I may end up with an energy void...
In a previous blog I have written more extensively about this aspect of energy.

Yet the energy leak I am dealing with today is much more mundane in nature.
Early this morning a car from the utilities company drove up. A couple of marks made on the sidewalk were checked and the tiles of the sidewalk lifted. When I peeked out to see what all the noise was about, two friendly gentlemen had already dug a hole right in front of my house ~ digging deeper as I looked on.
Even earlier this morning (Now I am not a morning person, but this must really have been EARLY!) the utility company had checked our street for gas leaks. And they had detected one right there. One that is severe enough to warrant immediate repair.

Of course I am very happy that they are ‘on the ball’; that they really are taking action to get it fixed! Gas leaks are dangerous. And the damage when things would get out of hand can be devastating.

From a different perspective I am wondering whether the fact that they located this gas leak right in front of my house is an omen... If it is an event that is sending me a message that is much more personal and private than the work those two gentlemen are doing on the sidewalk...

And if so, what is this omen telling me?
Is it bringing to my attention that I have a hidden energy leak through which enough energy is seeping away that it warrants immediate attention? Perhaps it is in my best interest to take a ‘time out’ to ponder that very question...
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Chance Meetings

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Yesterday I met someone I used to go to high school with. And just like some twenty years ago it seemed to be a chance meeting right in front of my house...

He is a gentle soul. In our high school days he used to be a socially involved person. Always busy for the greater good, yet never made it to president of the student body. In my mind’s eye I can still see him walking the hallways ~ always organizing something. And although I could grasp the concept of those things that were obviously so important to him ~ even in those days ~ I never quite understood what he was all about.

Then, some twenty years ago he suddenly showed up.

I remember it as a beautiful Summer afternoon. I was enjoying the sunshine ~ watching life go by on the street ~ and suddenly there he was.
He hadn’t changed much. He was still busy organizing things. At that time it never became clear to me whether he was doing those things as a volunteer or if he had made his profession out of organizing events.
I’m not sure how it happened, but before we went downtown to have a drink and catch up, we went by his apartment. It was a sight to behold. Even after all those years I can still feel the astonishment about the amount of ‘stuff’ he had stacked up everywhere...

And yesterday, after another twenty years or so ~ there he was again, right as I parked my car. I’m not certain whether he came through this street in a feeble attempt to meet again ~ or if it was the ‘give-away-store’ a couple of doors down from my house that made him come this way. He had obviously found himself a couple of books someone was giving away.

At first I hardly recognized him. Dressed in casual clothes that looked like they had seen better days; a thick layer of wavy brown hair hanging to well over his shoulders ~ he was the picture of a late 70’s activist; almost like he didn’t belong...

When we greeted each other and talked for a while, I noticed his pinpoint pupils intensely focused on my face, and his inability to move forward to the present from where we left off after drinks, twenty years ago ~ although I have to admit, he had a great recollection of that meeting, what we talked about and things like that.

In a sense it was sad, meeting him like that.
I had always known him organizing things, events. And somehow he has not been able to organize his life  in a way that brings him happiness. He still knows lots of people, he still reads up on what is happening in the world today. Yet he seemed to have given up on himself. A person who seems lost, wandering from one chance meeting to the next...
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Way back when...

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As a teenager I was shy and naive. I was also high sensitive. And the fact that I didn’t speak out much didn’t mean that I didn’t have my opinions ~ it just meant I didn’t share those opinions quite as much or as loudly as my classmates used to do.

Over the years I have discovered that what others saw as me being naive, came from a very different perspective. I have a tendency to just see the good in people. To see what they can be, the things they can achieve ~ in other words, I see the kindness rather than the ‘acting out’. And from that perspective ~ certainly as a teen ~ it was totally beyond me why someone would say something or even tell me something they knew wasn’t true. If it wasn’t true, why would they bother to tell me, or anyone else for that matter?
Apparently because it was fun to see me react seriously to something that ‘everybody knew’ wasn’t true...

It is something that hasn’t changed over the years. I still see the good in people, how they are meaning well; how they are trying to do the right thing. It is still beyond me why anyone would state something they know to be untrue.
What has changed is that I have found a way to distinguish between the two. To still see all the things that can be ~ yet to also see the situation as it really is. To take the other person seriously; and yet to also know when what they are telling me is not quite the whole truth. In which case it well can be their personal truth, but it may not be a factual truth or ever become truth to me...

In a sense I have finally learned how my high sensitivity can be helpful to me in those situations. Something that makes me far less ‘naive’.

Something that has changed is that by now I have learned to speak out more ~ even in groups. I now enjoy giving lectures and workshops. And I have a lot of fun with my Dutch language biweekly radio show on internet radio.

What is interesting to me is that some things, some perspectives seem to have stayed the same since those long ago teenage years, as I would have thought that I had outgrown pretty much all of it by now...

A couple of years ago I ran in to one of my teachers from those days. We had a little chat, when he suddenly commented that he had admired me so much as I had always followed my own values and had refused to cave under peer pressure ~ even as the shy teenager I was way back when...
I have to admit; I had never quite looked at it that way.
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Space

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The word ‘space’ is one of those words that can be subject to a lot of different interpretations...

There is space as in non-terrestrial space. The universe. That area that is beyond the reach of our physical experience. The space that people are supposedly visiting when they are not grounded; i.e. spacey.

Then there is space in nature. And while nature can provide us with ‘wide open spaces’, sometimes nature’s spaces are a lot smaller ~ yet they are always ‘just right’. If we let nature do its thing, it will always come up with enough space for that particular environment, that unique ecosystem to flourish in. And these untouched spaces in nature then find a balance and a sense of peace that indeed gives each species in that environment exactly the space they need to prosper...

It takes an act from us humans encroaching upon that space to change the balance in such a way that suddenly the existing space seems to become too small to support all of its inhabitants.
A part of that is because we just don’t like the animals who occupied the space before us. Few people are fond of ants, mosquitoes, mice, and rats. Let alone snakes, coyotes, foxes etc. So as soon as we have our eyes set on a certain space, often we don’t necessarily aim to coexist; we aim to take over. To create our own space, our own balance, our own sense of peace...

Nature is something that is ‘out there’ ~ in here it is our space.
And how much space that is depends on the priorities of the individual person. Some people feel comfortable in relatively small spaces like a studio apartment. A small space like that could make other people totally unhappy ~ the ideal space for them involves a multiple bedroom, multiple bathroom house with a garden; and at least a two car garage. They perhaps crave space to move around in, space that they can share with others...

The closest space there is to us is our very personal space. The space that we need to keep our unique, individual energy flowing in the direction of the expression of our greatest potential. The space each and every one of us needs on a core level.

For most of us the minimal size of that space is about as tall as we are, and when we spread our arms out wide it reaches from fingertip to fingertip. Through that elemental, core space can we express ourselves, achieve our goals and live a fulfilling life in balance with all that is around us ~ from the tiniest blade of grass to the universe...
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Our Belongings

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Do you feel tied down by your belongings, by the things you have worked hard for to be able to buy for yourself ~ but now that you have them they take so much of your time and energy to maintain that you are wondering if it is worth it. Or perhaps even how you got there?

Are your the things you own in a sense tools that make your life easier?

Or do you feel that your possessions are just ‘things’; ‘stuff’ that is easy to walk away from if ever you felt the need to do so ~ without ever giving it a second thought?

It seems that looking at our belongings from a perspective that asks ourselves why we own them can be an enlightening experience! It does require to be honest about it. It also helps to keep an open mind...

Yet if we do that, we may find that there are things that at one time in our lives were things we had worked toward, saved our pennies for ~ until finally we could afford to have them! Making that item a milestone as much as anything. A token of our achievements.
And sometimes we may find that while that item has long since been replaced with a newer, easier to use, or better quality version ~ or even with something all together different that serves us better whichever (logical) way you look at it; it is hard to toss this old thing we worked so hard for to get it...
Somehow our emotional satisfaction of getting it at the time, still overrides the logical decision to either keep it or toss it...

For many of us these emotional attachments to (some of the) things we own make it hard to ‘clean house’. To release the things that have outlived their usefulness. And in doing so making space for things that can serve us better given the point in our lives we are at right now.
In a sense one could say that it is through these emotional attachments a shift has occurred where we don’t own our belongings, but our belongings have come to own us...

The moment we decide to release those things from our lives that are n longer useful to us, yet are still filling up our cupboards and garages ~ we have a tendency to not only create actual space in our homes, but also open up our personal, or core space for new experiences.

And while there is nothing wrong with owning lots of things ~ every once in a while it is a good idea to evaluate if we are owning them, or whether they have come to own us. In which case it might be time to release them...
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“It was the best thing that ever happened to me...”

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Have you ever looked back at an event in your life that seemed to be something pretty disastrous at the time ~ and yet, when you look back at it you have this sense that “It was the best thing that ever happened to me...” ??

Events that can have that effect almost always were unpleasant, even painful at the time. Whether it involved physical pain, embarrassment, emotional pain, a set of circumstances with no obvious way out ~ no matter which way you looked at it at the time; it was not a good thing.

Yet life goes on. And eventually things change.
Perhaps because you find yourself choosing a new direction. Or setting new and different goals for yourself. You may have found that there were things you thought were important in your life that you could easily do without. And by the same token perhaps you discovered things that were far more important to you than you gave them credit for up to that point.

It usually takes time to discover that whatever it was that happened to you was truly a life-changing event... It has made you look at life differently. It has encouraged you to walk your own path ~ perhaps even to take a stand; to draw a line in the sand.
And years later you may find that you are a stronger, better, wiser person because of it.
At that point you may say: “It was the best thing that ever happened to me...” ~ and mean it!

There is one little caveat though...
In order to permit something to work out in this manner it requires that we allow ourselves to move on from whatever event has happened in the past. That, instead of holding on to something terrible that has happened to us, we acknowledge that it indeed did happen (after all there is nothing to be gained from denying the truth), and we move on from there.
Holding on to a (perceived) negative event in our lives may well hold us prisoner in an energy we never wanted to be in in the first place! So let it go!
We live, we learn, and we move on.

As we move on, we open to new, positive experiences.
We look at the world around us with new, wiser eyes.
Seeing things we may not have seen before.
Connecting with life and the people we hold near and dear on a deeper level.
And often choosing a personal path that is more inspiring to us...
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