Discontent

Do you know that feeling? That vaguely sensing there is something wrong without being able to tell what it might be? That sense of discontent, without having anything going on to be truly discontented about?

I ran into it upon finishing a five week course.
I had picked this particular course for both its interest as well as the fact that it would only be a five week course. A short time period that would fit in with other things that are going on in life. I was even a little bit put off when it started a week later than expected as the teacher felt he wanted to give us more information even before the course started; making it in effect a six week course. And as the course moved along it gave me a great deal of insight, which in turn sparked changes in attitude. And before I knew it those five weeks had passed and I was listening to the last class in the series.

And that is when it hit me, that feeling of discontent. That sense that right now good things started happening for me, I was abandoned. Left to fend for myself ~ something that hadn’t always worked out right for me in the past. So why was this happening to me? Again?

The feeling was neither logical, nor truly relevant. After all I was totally and fully aware of all of the changes I had already made in my (outlook on) life. Realistically these five or six weeks had already given me a lot more than I even anticipated when I started.
And I wanted a short course! I didn’t want to find myself having to take classes for months on end.
So, what is the problem?

If it wasn’t the course ~ and the teacher truly did a great job ~ than the only other part at play was me. Therefore the ultimate question became ”What is it in me that I am feeling discontented about?” Had I wanted to do more? Spend more time on it? Integrate all of the things I had learned more fully? And if so, what was stopping me from doing that now that the course has reached its end. After all, now that there was no longer the large amount of materials to go through, chances are I would have more time to do so. I could go back to specific parts in the materials as needed, and continue to move forward with what I had learned.
So what is the problem?

Often when something like this happens in our lives, chances are there is something about ourselves that we are not entirely happy with. And perhaps, when we realize this is happening, it is time to make a conscious effort to embrace all that we are ~ the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ ~ and know that we are going just fine on this journey through life!
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