Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A change in values

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When in any community or society a change in values is called for, chances are two opposing factions will appear:
Those that are totally happy with the status quo and consequently have no interest in changes.
Those that feel strongly about there being a better way and who are willing to stand up for the needed changes.

These two factions, each representing a polarity perspective on change are in reality always there. However, in times when the world around us is changing and more changes are needed in order to keep up with a changing world, they become more apparent. And they both have a function in that they will keep the balance in the changes that are occurring ~ they will prevent the the pendulum from swinging too far in either direction.

It is something that is happening in our world today.
On one hand businesses that are struggling for their survival and feel that the only way to make it through these trying times is when they do the things that have always been successful for them more effectively.
On the other hand ordinary people who believe that their survival depends on working with the changes rather than against them ~ so if the world is changing, if what always has worked before is not working anymore; then we should change and find new ways to live our lives.

For most of us, changing our ways in the best of times is a hard thing to do...
So when there is a call for changes when we are experiencing problems already ~ changes that go to the core of what we believe in ~ the resistance is likely to be enormous...

There is a perspective that says that while we are evolving, growing, spiritual beings living in an evolving, growing, spiritual universe; that it would be quite normal to ~ at least every once in a while ~ revisit our values. To step back from our daily lives and evaluate  whether the things we values most in our lives are still the same things they were ~ say, ten years ago.
If they are ~ and some of our values don’t change all that quickly ~ we keep them. If they are not ~ we set out to find those things that we do value in our lives. In other words; we change.

The same thing is true for our communities, and even our societies...
And when enough people really feel that some changes are overdue ~ then suddenly there is a grass roots movement calling out for change. A movement of ordinary people like you and me, who have seem changes in our own lives and would like to see changes happen that makes our world a better, more balanced place to live...
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Friday, January 27, 2012

Give a finger ~ loose your hand...

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I like helping out. Over the years I have found that what I especially enjoy is to bring ideas to the surface in such a way that it creates choices for the person feeling stuck.
In my experience, as soon as you realize that there are a number of directions open to you; or several solutions to your situation you can choose from ~ you have to really work hard in order to maintain that sense of being stuck. More often, as soon as you can see that there are choices, this feeling of being stagnant disappears.

So when I am asked to help out with something, I may not solve the problem at hand ~ it is more likely that I will help create the perspective through which the choices can be seen. That way the person can make their own choices and take their own steps in order to move on from where they are.
After all, it is better to teach a person how to fish than to offer them a fish...

Most of the time, just helping someone to see that there really is more than one solution; more than one way to go about handling what ever it is they are facing ~ is enough to help them move on.
Perhaps all they needed in the first place was someone who took the time and effort to listen to them; to see where they were coming from, and to show them ways to move on from there. On their own; in their own way...

Most people, even when they ask for a helping hand every once in a while, are perfectly happy solving their own problems as soon as they can see that there indeed are ways to do so.

Every once in a while though I come across someone who may ask if I have any ideas on how to do something ~ often some project or other they are working on. And after having brought some ideas to the table it becomes clear that they are not after ‘getting un-stuck’ ~ what they are really after is for someone else to solve their problem. To give their project a running start.
And rather than being upfront about their intentions ~ they may try to string me along to the point where all the work that needed to be done is taken care of without they themselves lifting a finger.
And without having to pay someone for their services.

It is in those instances that I feel I have given a finger, yet lost my hand.

When, out of my desire to help out, I find myself entangled in a situation where I am doing unpaid and hardly appreciated work ~ while forgetting to help out myself, and doing what needs to be done in my own life...
It is something I will change ~ I will take better care of myself...
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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Taking care of yourself in a new way...

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Taking care of yourself... Sounds easy? Well, it’s not...

In our world we have obligations toward our families and our jobs. Having to do all of this in its right time routinely brings stress into our lives. All too often we choose to take care of others rather than to take care of ourselves... At times it may even seem that we have all but forgotten how to take care of ourselves...

So let’s have a look at those four important parts we need to take care of ourselves in this day and age: protection, sustenance, companionship, and perhaps most importantly, balance.

Protection
Protection is split in two different, yet equally important parts: physical protection ~ the protection that safeguards our physical bodies as well as our belongings ~ and the protection on an energy level that allows us to live our lives based in a positive, light energy.

Sustenance
We have come to often choose the ‘comfort foods’ ~ food that taste good and make us feel good, rather than the foods our bodies need. Listening to what we ourselves really need will give us the insights that will enhance our ability to take care of ourselves.

Companionship
On our path we need companionship of those people that will support us. People that help us move along our path, that will help us overcoming the obstacles and difficulties life throws our way. And while we don’t have to abandon anyone who isn’t, or doesn’t seem to be helpful ~ it is important to surround ourselves with the (handful of) people who are truly supportive.

Balance
Balance is definitely the most important part of taking care of ourselves. If we are serious about taking care of ourselves, it is a good idea to have a look at the ‘Key to Balance’.

The ‘Key to Balance’ consists of these five points:
  • Balance with ourselves ~ our magnetic and electrical sides.
  • Balance with our direct environment ~ our family, our co-workers.
  • Balance with the world around us ~ honestly looking at what is happening, helping where we can, and not getting (too) upset with the things we cannot change.
  • Balance with the earth ~ with nature, with the seasons.
  • Balance with the universe.

And the better we get at applying this ‘Key of Balance’, the better we take care of ourselves ~ the more effective we will be in whatever we set out to achieve!

If you are looking for practical ways in which you can bring this ‘Key of Balance’ into your life, this workshop may be of interest to you:
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Friday, January 20, 2012

Taking care of yourself

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Until not that long ago, taking care of yourself meant to make certain you were sheltered from the elements, had food to eat on a regular basis, and belonged to a group ~ a tribe so to speak...
In other words protection, sustenance, and companionship were what was needed in order to take care of yourself.

In the energies of today another element has been added to these: Balance.

To take care of ourselves, perhaps even more than protection, sustenance and companionship ~ we need balance.
Balance within ourselves; to be at peace with ourselves and, in a sense, being our own best friend. Balance with the world around us, which includes finding a way to either stay balanced when we find ourselves in a stressful situation ~ or at least to ability to regain our balance quickly.
And balance with the universe ~ the balance with our environment and the energies that are around us.

This means that where in ancient times the protection of ourselves may have been our number one priority ~ and even in more recent history having enough food to last us through the Winter months might have been the most important thing we needed for our survival. However, in this day and age companionship and balance are on the top of the list and therefore deserve our full attention.

Especially when we are walking a personal, or even spiritual path of service...

Whichever way you look at it; walking a path of service makes it even more important to take care of ourselves first.
Whether our service takes the form of helping others, or is expressed through sending healing to those in need, or even the earth or the universe, the better we take care of ourselves ~ balance ourselves, seek out the companionship that supports us, and feed ourselves with the foods our physical bodies truly need ~ the more effective we will be.

And while ~ at least at some level ~ we all know this is true, it is a good idea to every once in a while step back from our busy lives and see if we are truly taking care of ourselves. To see if we are allowing ourselves enough time to rest; and time to ‘play’.
In other words, to evaluate whether we are  providing ourselves with the things we need in order to continue on our personal, (spiritual) path of service.
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Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Demands

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Most of us react a lot better to a request than to a demand.
And while we may accept a demand from an authority figure ~ for instance a parent when we were still a child, or a police officer, or our boss ~ we have a tendency to not take overly kindly to a situation where  something is demanded from us. Especially when the demand seems outlandish. Either because of what it is that is being asked of us, or because of the person who dares ask it of us...

This also means that the person demanding something from us ~ whether it is an answer, a solution to a (perceived) problem, or even a certain code of behavior ~ often will have to do something ‘extra’ to make us pay attention. To motivate us to react; to take action.

A very effective way to make this happen used to be through the use of guilt.
If they would succeed to make us feel guilty about not answering, not reacting, or not taking action ~ chances are that even when we thought the demand was outlandish, we’d still engage and comply.

The principle of using guilt as a tool ~ guilt-tripping ~ is simple. It appeals to some aspect of you that you would like to bring out, yet are still uncertain of. And then denies that very aspect aspect of you. For instance, if you consider yourself a helpful person, the guilt-trip would be something like: “But you are never helping me when I ask for your help.”
The interesting thing is, that whether this is true or not (and chances are it is not true), we still feel that instant pang of guilt that will prompt us to spring into action.

There is hardly any logic to it as our emotions function outside of logic on a more inner, even subconscious level.

This also means that the more aware we become, the sooner we know or feel what is happening when someone is guilt-tripping us. The better we understand ourselves, the more we love ourselves ~ the harder it gets for someone to lay a guilt-trip upon us...
Because we sense what is happening before we jump into guilt induced action.

And that gives us even more choices as to how to react when someone is demanding something from us.
We may choose to be kind and help out ~ on our terms. We can choose to be polite yet still walk away from it. Or we can shrug our shoulders and wish that person good luck with it. However we handle it is our choice.
Because without being sensitive to a guilt-trip... who cares about that demand?
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Friday, January 13, 2012

The Answer

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Every once in a while I ponder the question if there is ‘An Answer’. Just one answer. In a sense ‘The Answer’.
I know from experience that most problems ~ or challenges, or obstacles ~ have multiple solutions. I have also come to the conclusion that at least in my own life, those challenges usually appear when I start looking at only one direction, just one way in which to make something happen...
Which can be frustrating when right when I think I have figured it out ~ it doesn’t happen.

Reflections like this lead me to think that there really is no such thing as ‘The Answer’.

There seem to be way too many variables: attitude, life experience, desired outcome, the things you believe to be possible, and so on...
And each of these are unique, individual, and therefore different for each person.

Looked at from the spiritual perspective that we are all here to walk our personal paths, to unfold our greatest potential, and to grow as a spiritual being ~ one might say that any reply coming close to being ‘The Answer’ is facilitating those things in your life...
It could well be that those responses could come in unexpected ways, at ~ viewed from our mundane perspective ~ inopportune times, and by unpredictable means.

And, again from the spiritual point of view, once we learn how to cope with this way of getting information, one could say that the more possible answers there are, the better it is! Because each different answer can at least lead to a new way to reach a solution ~ yet they may even lead you to multiple solutions!

On the other hand it seems that a lot of people are looking for the one answer.
And more often than not they seem to have this answer already in mind when they ask the question. In other words, the only answer you can ever give that is the ‘right answer’ for them ~ is the answer that they have already stuck in their minds.

This is an almost impossible position to be in.
If your answer ~ no matter how valid and well thought out ~ doesn’t match what they have in mind; it will be considered a ‘bad answer’. Yet if you do go along with it and give the answer you are expected to give it may not lead to the desired solution ~ making your answer ‘wrong’.

The truth is that if you are looking for a predetermined answer in any other situation than in a quiz ~ you are not asking a question; you are posing a demand.
And to that demand you are not really expecting an answer; you are awaiting agreement.
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Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Non-Answers

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Most of the time you will probably find that when you ask a question, the answer you receive really is the answer to that question. It is the logical way in which our communication with the world around us occurs.

Every once in a while the answer we get is to an entirely different question. This may happen when there is a deeper, unspoken question resting underneath the question you actually asked. And as the other person somehow picked up on that ~ that is the question that gets answered.

When that happens to me I consider it a gift!
Because not only does the answer now point me to the ‘real’ question or situation ~ something I may not have been aware of up to that point ~ it more often than not puts me in a position where I can figure out the answer to my initial question myself.

It is like the answer to the unspoken question is the start of a story that touches both on my question as well as my quest ~ my unique, personal path through life.

I have a tendency to pay a lot of attention to the way in which ~ sometimes very simple ~ answers can tell important stories. Stories about me and my experiences; and stories about the other person and where he or she is coming from.

In that way a ‘non-answer’ speaks volumes!

Whether it is a flippant remark to a serious question or just not giving an answer at all ~ there is no better way in which you can tell the person asking the question that they are unimportant and that you are not listening to them.
Once or twice is enough to turn away and find guidance elsewhere.

And yet, not answering a question happens probably more often than we think...
Perhaps not with the questions that are ‘biggies’ in your own life or in the life of a friend. But what about a casual request in an email on a day that you are very busy to start with? Or the question that gets lost as the conversation moves on before an answer was given?

In our fast paced lives a lot of us tend to fail to even acknowledge that email ~ just as we fail to register the question before the conversation moves on. It often happens inadvertently.
However sometimes it is also used as ‘an easy way out’ ~ especially when the communication is about something we don’t want to hear. Or when the input given does not agree with our predetermined ideas.

Yes, I believe ‘non-answers’ may well give us most information yet...
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Friday, January 6, 2012

Answers

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On one point or other in our lives we are all looking for answers.
Sometimes just for an advice. Other times we are searching for life altering answers. I would say that most of the time a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ suffices.

“Yes, I can.” “No, I won’t.” “Perhaps some other time.”
Nice, succinct answers that leave you knowing exactly where you stand in relation to your question.

There are questions that deserve or even require a well thought out, and therefore longer answer. Those are hardly ever immediate answers ~ they are usually the type of things you want to ‘sleep on’. Because there may not be just one way to look at it. Or whatever action results from the answer will affect a great number of things in a person’s life ~ and can even have a great effect on a lot of people. All depending on the question of course ~ and the person asking it...

In those cases, more often than not, one may receive an answer that says: “I received your request. I would like some time to think about it, but I’ll get back to you.”
That may not be the answer you were looking for ~ it does tell you that the other person is taking your quest for an answer seriously and want to come up with a balanced answer. Not just an off the cuff remark, or a flippant comeback.

Yet even the best thought out answer is given based on the experience of the person giving it. It is based on how that person lives his or her life; how they perceive life, and how they themselves solve the problems they encounter in their own lives...

This means that while the answer given may well work for them in a similar situation, or while on a similar quest ~ it may not resonate as much with you as you had hoped while asking the question.

From a more spiritual perspective however, even if you don’t perceive that answer as relative to your situation or your quest, there will always be something in that reaction that can help you take the next step. Something you needed to hear to figure out which direction to go from the point you are at.
Even when you ~ in all honesty ~ didn’t want to hear it...

And especially in those cases, these answers you might at first glance consider ‘bad answers’, or at least answers you hadn’t hoped for ~ when you pause to think about them they can help you pause and think about what is really going on in your life, in your situation, or in your quest.

The answer “Perhaps some other time.” then might lead you to think whether this is really something you should be doing right now, or if there is an even better way to spend your time and energy?
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Tuesday, January 3, 2012

New Beginnings and Goodbye’s

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Throughout our lives we encounter many ‘new beginnings’. And a lot of those ‘new beginnings’ coincide with the milestones in our lives; our birthdays, graduation from school, getting your drivers license, a new job, marriage etc.
Although we usually look at these milestones as goal that we have reached, at the same time they signal the start of something new. A new sense of freedom, a new sense of family, a new sense of responsibility...

It tells us a lot about how ‘new beginnings’ work in our lives.

With each milestone, each goal that we have reached, we are at a point of setting new goals and reaching for new things. And whether we do it consciously or not ~ as we start reaching out for the new thing that life has to offer, we say goodbye to at least a part of where we have come from.

In graduating from school we say goodbye to the classes we took and the friends we made. We may well meet again, yet at that time everything is ‘new’. New circumstances, new stories to tell... In finding that first ‘real’ job; you say goodbye to the odd jobs you have taken on to make ends meet, and hello to your career, to a ‘real’ income.

And this is as it should be. In moving on to something new, we say goodbye to something old. In doing so we create the space ~ we free up the time and energy ~ in our lives for the new thing to develop in; so that the new thing can start giving us a sense of fulfillment, and joy, and eventually accomplishment.
At that point we may well have reached another place in our lives where we decide to start something new...

This principle is most obvious to me as we are celebrating each New Year! We say goodbye to the Old Year and welcome the New Year ~ celebrating the new opportunities it will bring! We set new goals for ourselves in our New Year’s Resolutions; and we are optimistic that this will be the year that we will achieve our goals...

It is a cycle that is tied to the movement of our planet around the sun. Every time the earth completes it journey around the sun, we re-evaluate, we say goodbye to the old and hello to the new.

In the same way we can look at the cycle of the moon... Every new moon brings an opportunity to reach for something new!

And if we really want to, we can experience that newness every day ~ as every spin of our planet; every cycle of day and night gives us the chance to say goodbye to that we no longer wish to bring along, and say hello to a new beginning.
A Brand New Day!
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