Control

.
Control is an interesting thing. We pretty much all wan tot have it; at least to some extend. But we hardly ever gain that level of control we think will make our lives easier, more smooth, or at least better organized without giving those around us the impression we are going ‘over the top’ on it.

The reality is that the only control we truly have is the control over ourselves. We can choose and therefore control our behavior, our actions, and even our moods. Yet as soon as others appear in the picture, there immediately is an aspect that is outside of our control. For instance when you have an appointment with a friend to meet for coffee in your favorite coffee shop, we can only control being on time ourselves. Our friend may be late. Or early. He or she may be in a good mood, or perhaps is having a ‘bad-hair-day’. All of that is outside of our control; and that is perfectly okay.

But the busier we get; the more is at stake when things are not going the way we feel they should be going; the more stressed we can get as we are ‘losing control’. And pretty soon we can ‘lose it’ altogether; and what started as a regular, yet busy day; or even a busy yet fun day can get out of hand because we are feeling we are out of control…

The question then becomes why we want to be in control so much? When we look at it from a logical perspective, we can handle pretty much any outcome of the situation as it happens; even when it is an outcome we didn’t anticipate ahead of time. And sometimes the unanticipated outcome is even better than we had dreamed up!

So why do we feel that if things aren’t going our way, they are bound to end up in disaster?

The two most common answers to that question are:
Because we don’t trust we can handle whatever comes up adequately; in other words, we may want to look at how we perceive our own self-esteem and/or self-worth.
Because we don’t accept that life is fluid, and that sometimes priorities and responsibilities shift midstream.

And while we often tend to just look at the self-esteem/self-worth angle of things that have to do with our personal growth; being able to accept the things life puts on our paths and handle them accordingly, can be just as important.

And the funny things is that as soon as we do that, we tend to have all the control we have ever wanted in any situation we encounter in life.
.
.