Friday, June 14, 2013

How did I get here?

Every once in a while I have one of those days that I look back and wonder ‘How did I get here?’.
I know which schools I went to. But quite frankly, for the most part I remember the energy of the experience a lot better than my teachers and classmates.
Granted, there are a couple ~ both teachers as well as classmates ~ that I still do remember, yet for the most part I can see the classroom filled without seeing the actual people sitting at the desks. Let alone remembering their names...
That in itself, I don’t think of as something negative ~ or positive. It is just something that fails to connect in my memory.

It is funny though, it is not just kindergarten, or primary school. It is the same for high school and even for trade school where I studied to become a goldsmith. For some classmates I can actually see their faces, yet without their names fitting into place...

Looking back at those long gone days (and comparing how my Mom can remember pretty much all of her classmates, as opposed to me...) I can’t help but wondering whether it has something to do with the sense I have always had of ‘not fitting in’, of being the ‘odd one out’; being there, partaking in the activities and yet at the same time being separate from it.
Especially then I had trouble relating to life in general in the same way everybody around me seemed to do so naturally. And they didn’t understand me, just as I didn’t comprehend what they were about.

And life goes on. I gained understanding of the world around me, I learned to tune into the people I met enough to know where they were coming from. That way I could connect with them and relate to their perspectives.

Yet even remembering all my travels; I can clearly see all the places I have been. But then I have no clue as to when I was there exactly, and the faces of the people I have met seem to be blurred.
It is like my memory is very specific. It holds onto energies, and to a certain extend to places ~ but it doesn’t necessarily grasp the people I crossed paths with.

This ‘spottiness’ in how my memory functions leads me to the question: ‘How did I get here?’.
I know many people I have met have helped me grow. They have helped me become the person I am today.
And while I may not remember them or how I have moved on to the place I am at today ~ I am truly grateful for to every one of them, and every experience they have brought into my life...

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